A grovelly female voice erupts as if from nowhere. "No! Baby, come back to bed! It's too early!"\n\nIt sounds like a troll-lady. \n\nStill, you see no one.\n\nYour eyes get even heavier.\n\n[[Lay on the bed and try to sleep.|sleep]]\n[[Use your orange paint on the bed.|paintbed]]\n
"GWAAAAAAAAA!!!"\n\nSuddenly, the granite bed lumbers in your direction with heavy wobbles. It splits open like a crocodile, exposing giant teeth and lunges at you. Then it clamps down hard. \n\nYou feel every bone in your body break. Everything goes dark. \n\nYou are dead. \n
"WHAT?!? YOU DON'T KNOW WHO I AM? AFTER ALL WE'VE BEEN THROUGH!?! GWAAAAAAARRRK!!!"\n\nSuddenly, the granite bed lumbers in your direction with heavy wobbles. It splits open like a crocodile, exposing giant teeth and lunges at you. Then it clamps down hard. \n\nYou feel every bone in your body break. Everything goes dark. \n\nYou are dead. \n
You hop on the bed and immediately pass out. \n\nHours fly by. \n\nWaking up feeling completely refreshed, you hear a grovelly female voice: "Was it good for you?"\n\n[["Um, what?"|what]]
You climb up ontop of the bed with the wood in hand. \n\n"You can drop that, you know." The bed says.\n\n[[Drop wood.|wood]]
Looking around the room, you find nothing. \n\nThe snoring continues.\n\n[[Lay on the bed and try to sleep.|sleep]]\n[[Say, "Wakey wakey! Eggs and bakey!"|wakey]]\n[[Use your orange paint on the bed.|paintbed]]
After a long hard day of vandalizing neighbors houses with orange paint, you come home exhausted.\n\nBut you discover your house is missing. \n\nWhere the basement used to be, you find a cave. \n\n[[Enter cave.|enter]]
"CONFUSING!?!" The voice sputters. "I'm not confusing! You're confusing! Playing with my heart strings like I don't matter to you!"\n\n[["Whoa! Touchy, touchy!"|dead]]\n[["I'm sorry, love. I care."|apology2]]
"I said," the voice starts, "Was it good for you? As in, did you enjoy sleeping with me?" \n\nYour head starts pounding.\n\n[["Who's there?"|who?]]\n[["I've had better."|dead]]\n[["What? I didn't have sex!!!"|nosex]]
The wood lands on the floor. \n\nThe bed swallows you whole.\n\nYou quickly suffocate to death. \n\nThe bed lives happily ever after. \n\nThe end.\n\n
The Hard Night
"Oh! It's you, baby." The voice says. "Get over here and be with me."\n\nYou stand up and look around with one eyebrow raised. While you're terrified, your exhaustion makes it hard to keep your eyes open.\n\n"Well.." The voice starts. "If this is a weird romantic gesture, I guess I can be okay with it. We can be orange together. Get over here."\n\n[[Climb on the bed.|sleep]]\n[[Protest.|dead]]
"I KNEW IT!!!" The bed shrieks. "I KNEW YOU NEVER LOVED ME!" \n\nSuddenly you hear a phone dial. \n\n"Mom. Get over here. I need you to curse somebody."\n\nImmediately, a brown love seat appears and seems to nod in your direction. "Here you go, my beddy poo!" says the love seat.\n\nAs you try to look down at your hands, you discover that you are now a can of paint. \n\n"Take that, you insensitive bastard!" The bed grumbles.\n\nThe end.
"Oh joy!" The voice says, then sputters with strange happy garbles. "You have no idea how hard life is as a bed made out of stone. Now I can call my mother and tell her that she can finally take her curse off of me and make me a real bed."\n\nYou just look at the bed, realizing all of its insecurity finally makes sense.\n\nThen the bed says to you, "So, I would have made you breakfast if I could. Would you mind being a doll and get me some wood to munch on? I'm starving."\n\n[["Oh I'd love to!"|goodend]]\n[["Um, maybe."|badend]]
"Really?" The voice asks.\n\n[["Yes. I care."|care]]\n[["No, I don't know who the hell you are!"|deadwho]]
"That's good to hear." The voice says. "So you never answered. Did you like your sleep last night? I sure liked being with you."\n\n[["Um, okay. But really now, who are you?"|deadwho]]\n[["Oh. It was really restful, actually!"|resolve]]
You leave the bedroom and the cave to go collect some fallen branches and tree bark. \n\nWhen you get back, you find that the bed is now made out of soft bedding materials and is no longer ugly. \n\n"Look! My mom lifted the curse! Wanna sleep with me again?"\n\n[[Get on the bed.|bed]]\n\n
"You don't know who I am?" The voice starts to break. "After all this time?" It starts to cry. "How could you do this to me?"\n\nYou stammer.\n\n"Am I just another one of your play things!?!" It says. "DID YOU EVER LOVE ME?!?"\n\n[["I'm sorry. I don't know who you are."|dead]]\n[["I'm sorry. I don't mean to hurt your feelings."|apology]]
"It's okay," says the voice. "I'm just glad you care."\n\nYou're both silent for a what feels like minutes.\n\n[["So did we have sex last night?"|nosex]]\n[["So really, who are you?"|deadwho]]
The Hard Night is a short adventure through one rather awkward evening. \n\n[[Start Game|open]]
"Haha! Of course not, baby!" The voice garbles. "I asked if you enjoyed sleeping with me."\n\nYou respond:\n\n[["Oh, see how that's a bit confusing?|confusing]]\n[["Ah, okay. And you are?"|deadwho]]\n[["Oh. It was really restful, actually!"|resolve]]
You splash the remaining bits of orange paint all over the rock-hard bed. \n\nYou have a good time making a mess.\n\nSuddenly, you hear a few sharp snorts and then a grovelly female voice: "What the world in the poop? WHY AM I COVERED IN ORANGE PAINT?!? GRAAAAAR!!!"\n\nThe room shakes violently. \n\nYou fall on your butt. The room stops shaking.\n\n[["Um, I'm sorry?"|sorry]]
Upon entering the cave, you find a mysterious door. \n\nYou open it to discover a bedroom with everything made out of stone. \n\nA stone bed sits in the middle of the room. \n\nYour eyes get heavy. \n\nBut suddenly, you hear faint snoring. \n\n[[Search the room for the snorer.|snorer]]\n[[Ignore it and sleep on the hard bed.|sleep]]\n[[Say, "Wakey wakey! Eggs and bakey!"|wakey]]\n
M. Joshua Cauller