Meet my wonderful wife, Jessica.
Jess hates videogames. Or so she says. Most often, this is perfectly accurate. But on rare occasions, she surprises me and actually does like a game. And if she does, she really gets into it. But this is extremely rare. And that returns me to the general rule: Jess hates videogames.
I want to include Jess in my gaming and writing about games. Couples should do things together, right? But her tastes and mine seem to conflict. I like videogames and super-weird Christiocentric music. She likes shopping and interior decorating (especially when it involves Pier 1). None of this is unexpected. Guys and girls are different. Yet, Jess indulged me. She’s willing to do this for the sake of doing something together. Plus, I figured she’d be more honest about games than most of us gamers would be. And most importantly: she provides great commentary.
Why I picked Might & Magic: Clash of Heroes
Jess generally hates RPGs. This is probably because I can get really sucked-into them. I picked this one because it’s a puzzle-RPG made by Capy Games. Capy also made Critter Crunch, a matching puzzle game that Jess absolutely adored. She loved it so much that she would scream at the TV when she won a match. That game got pretty hard. She hit a wall and gave up, but it wasn’t until after she kept pushing the wall like a pro. Might & Magic: Clash of Heroes seemed to be relatively similar. And I thought she might not hate the art style – especially compared to other RPGs.
So what did she think? The following is some of her recorded testimony, followed by her brief review.
"Wow, this is just like Lord of the Rings and Settlers of Catan. But they messed up on the art."
"Wow, this dialog is gay."
'"Here, take these bears." I wanna look at my bears first. So I can has a bear?'
"Artifacts! Like warehouse 13! Everything I love is in here!"
"I feel like they could have made the game board look prettier. The overworld looks pretty. The puzzle part could have just been nicer."
"Got some hunters. Time to kill some jerk-faces."
"NOOOOOO! I don't think I like this!"
"I WIN! Eat poop and die!"
"I don't like the demons! They're scary!"
"This is confusing. But I'm getting it. It's too much to learn. I don't want to learn."
"I can pretend these are the demons that are attacking my teenagers from the Youth Center!"
The following was written by Jess herself:
I have no idea how to write about video games. Here’s my sad attempt, just for you!
I really thought I was going to hate Might & Magic. The dialogue isn’t very rich and it’s very much made to appeal to those of the masculine variety, but I love my husband and he was eager to hear my thoughts on it. Honestly, I thought it would be fun to bash video games since I’m really just not a fan in general. I also was told there were puzzles involved, and I do enjoy puzzles. The “battles” themselves are enjoyable, but my biggest complaint is just that it should totally be a girly game with cute little cartoon animals and noises. This game came from the crew responsible for Critter Crunch, which is like the cutest game I’ve ever seen. It’s got great graphics, cute little balls of fur, and quirky characteristics with the barfing of rainbows and the peculiar background story. So I was disappointed with Might & Magic’s graphics and the story behind the game because they don’t compare in any way to that of Critter Crunch. I’m only on the second world or whatever you call it, and I’ll probably still play it every now and then when I need a time out because I do enjoy it, but I do see myself getting sick of it after a while and giving up. If it were just a little more appealing to my eyes and ears, I might feel more dedicated to trying to beat the whole game. Just sayin’!
Josh’s Post-Review Wrap-Up
Josh here again.
I just checked the ticker on Jess’ file save. She definitely broke her record for the longest she’s ever played a game. I won’t list the exact number of hours for fear of her embarrassment. But suffice to say that I’m impressed how much she’s taken to it. I came home a few days after introducing it to her in which she said, “Ugh, Josh! All I want to do is play that stupid game!” She felt guilty for enjoying herself so much. Fortunately, this game also has a 2-player mode. So it was nice to have a game that we could play together (or against each other). I’ve found a game that Jess truly enjoys. So much so, that after she played this game, I got her a Capy T-shirt at their PAX East booth (which she wears proudly).
Next time, I’ll have to pick a game that I don’t think Jess will like so we can enjoy her scathing review. I’m thinking Bioshock Infinite. I wonder how long she’d be able to tolerate something like that. What would you like to see her play?